It’s been more than a year already. I never thought it’ll all go this long way. I met a guy in the midst of January and February in RPW last year. He was somehow crazy and stewpeed. We clicked. We talked a lot about random things till almost passed 2 AM, almost everyday. We’ve been good talkative buddies until one day, I woke up, and I realized that I fancy him. May came; I went on hiatus on the last week of April till the end of May. I missed him a lot. Then I went online as soon as May ended, I felt something broke inside as I saw his in-a-relationship status. I didn’t mind what I felt that time and remain friends with him. I’m really happy for him. I just told myself that it was just another crush of infatuation, but I was wrong. Time went by. We became closer, our friendship grew tighter and my feelings went deeper. By that time, I expected for more, I became greedy of what I felt. I didn’t stopped myself and pushed more in falling in love with him. I fell hard, no one catched me. I remember the guy that I’m expecting already catched someone else. I forgot that fact; I got blinded by my feelings. It was poisonous, it was intoxicating.

By that time, I went through sunshine and rains, through spring, autumn, fall and winter, through happiness, sadness, pain and tears. He makes me feel special in one way or another and that makes me really happy while I reminded myself of what I am to him, I am just a close friend and a yeodongsaeng. No more, no less. There’s really no “us” but only “them”; him and his girlfriend. It’s just a “one-sided love”.

Gentle forehead kisses, warm hugs, sweet talks, I miss you’s , I love you’s.  These were the thing that I get used to as time passed by with him. While I cried for the uncountable time, I didn’t notice the time. It’s more than a year already and I’ve been loving him differently from what he thought, more than of what he expected. It’s more than a year. It’s been too long.

The guy that I’m talking about is YOU. YOU, the one reading this right now, is the guy that I’m loving for more than a year now. I’m sorry for loving you differently and not the same way that you love me. I failed you, I’m so sorry.

I never regretted meeting you even though you’re the coldest guy I’ve ever known, that cold attitude of yours make me love you even more because I know it is YOU. I, either, never regretted loving you differently because that love makes me a better person. I became better, I do well in school. I became a stronger person, I take care of myself more, I was able to know myself more, I learn a lot of things from you. You serve as my inspiration.

This is more like a confession right? But it isn’t. I just thought I’d let you know about those because I don’t want to regret anything in the end if I won’t be able to tell it to you. But the real reason for this is my farewell message.

Hey, I need to go for a while. Don’t you dare forget me ‘kay?! Hahah, I’ll come back. I promise. I just need to go for a while. I really need to rest for some time. My reason is personal. Maybe by the time that you read this, I already deactivated all my fb accs; rp and rl. I’m really sorry for leaving you, I hope you’ll understand. I’ll reactivate and come back when I’m already okay. Just for now, I need to rest.

So please, I hope you won’t get mad at me. I hope you won’t hate me. I still want to know news from you but I guess for now; I’ll just watch you from afar. I’ll be your guardian angel but you won’t see me. Hahah Humans don’t see angels, poor you :P okno.jk.  I’ll always remember you whenever I can see things that I can associate with you, ‘say, a chicken or even strawberries or whenever I listen to SJ’s Only U and Urban Zakapa’s songs, hahah but the easiest would be to look up in the sky. Because “we’re under the same sky but apart from different places.” Right oppa? (((:

Don’t worry I’ll come back to you, it wouldn’t take long. I hope. Just a few months. I’m already at it, I just need to have full rest. We don’t know, I can celebrate Christmas with my Oppa in my inbox, or another gift for the 21st birthday. It’ll be your debut right? Girls were every 18th while for guys every 21st. hahah I already marked my calendar! (((: so don’t forget to mark yours! Even though you’ll have a lot of meetings that day, still celebrate it! arasseo?! Hahah (((:

Watch the vid whenever you miss me, if you will J lol Okno, jk. While me, whenever I miss you, I might just read our past silly convos, I still got a copy of print screens that I used in the vid hohoh… I’m such a genius …. I printed them u-u so I’ll always have them wherever I go :P So yeah, I wrote a novel message again. I will end up in here with a light heart and with my jolly personality. I ‘ll miss a lot of things about you; your hugs and kisses, your sweetness and your coldness. Please take good care of yourself especially your health. Don’t overwork okay?! Take enough rest everyday and eat healthy foods! Avoid coffee too much, not really good. Unhealthy. Be sure to always have enough rest. Don’t be too grumpy e.e always keep a smile everyday, atleast one (: be happy, oppa.

I will always treasure you in my heart, Oppa. I’m hoping for your happiness and success in life.

I love you, DJ Oppa. (:

See you soon, again (((:

I hope you won’t forget me in time.

Love always,
Your Yeodongsaeng Kae <3

PS. don’t be bothered by my confession okie?! hahah i just included it here so that I was able to say everything before I go for some time. and don’t worry, when I come back, I won’t love you differently anymore :P you wish! hahah okno.jk. I’m your only yeodongsaeng! don’t you dare replace me or I’ll fly there and kick you out of your office u-u okno.jk. Goodbye for now, my one and only oppa. (((: